dreams

on october 26th 2013
i went to visit my boyfriend and i mention an odd dream i had the night before. he mentioned he had a dream too! 
but waited for me to talk about my dream. 
in my dream, i went to a friends house and was carrying a baby in a car seat carrier. i put the baby in an extra room so that he could be in a quiet place to sleep. 
later after spending some time there, 
i remember thinking in my head "oh i got to go feed the baby" 
so i went to the sleeping baby and picked him up. 
i remember it was a boy, but that was all the dream was.

then my boyfriend says his dream was just me visiting him and saying "im pregnant" (boys, they do not understand the importance of detail!)

so, on my way home there was a lovely albertsons. 
i was already stressed about a few other things in life at the moment, so i decided it would be good to stop in and get a test, just to make sure because it would be one less thing to worry about.

i was so ancy and i really had to go to the bathroom anyway, so i went to the restroom there. it comes with two tests, and i was going to save one for the morning because its easier to detect/more accurate in the morning.

it went positive before i even zipped my jeans. the first thing i thought of was that baby boy in my dream.
i don't think it actually sank in until i was already in my car and driving away.
i started to hyperventilate a little and my mind felt like it was running a million miles a second.
i pulled back into the parking lot because i knew i could not  multi-task driving and registering this new information.
it was almost like i was thinking to hard, but not thinking at all.
i knew i already loved this sweet baby inside me. 
as a girl you grow up knowing that you will be a mommy someday and you always wonder what it would feel like to be pregnant, or to find out, and how exciting it is. well, at least i always wondered.

but at that moment, when this was now happening in my life,
i was stunned. 
i literally felt so blessed and so bad at the same time.
i haven't even finished school! or own a home yet! ...but do babies really come at any time when someone is actually ready? no.
i also thought of the fact that i will be getting fat. and then ill have to be the one to get the baby out! i always wanted a natural birth and always told people in topic of conversation that its the way i wanted to go. but now that it was sudden, i felt like i was not prepared or old enough. luckily now i have looked into it, and i will post about my birth plan later, because i realized that i have a whole 9 months to prepare my mind for what is coming as well as prepare for a natural birth.
i remember thinking though, "i thought i would at least have my original body for a couple more years."

but that was selfish. the more and more i thought, the more i felt so blessed. god is trusting me with one of his children, and it is a gift to be able to have a child. some people in this world cant, for what ever reason. i didn't even know if i was going to be able to have kids! that was one of my biggest fears at one point in my life, thinking i wouldn't be able to be a mommy. but here i am, scared, super happy, and excited but nervous. it took about a week for me to not be so scared, with lots of phone calls setting everything up and a few pinterest searches on the fun stuff.

bottom line is, i am going to be a mother now, 
and i feel so fortunate and humbled. 

that next morning i took another test, still not believing the last, and it was positive. then three days later i made it in to the clinic and took another, and for sure they said i was pregnant. my due date right now is july 6th, 2014!

one thing i did a lot on my first week of knowing i was going to be a first time mother, is google. googled a lot! and one thing i found, is that even woman that planned a baby are scared when they find out... it made me feel much better. 

so here i am, a week after finding out i am going to have a little one, and 6 weeks along. i decided to blog to share my feelings so that i can;

1. be able to share my feelings until i can actually tell everyone that i am expecting (after my first trimester)
2. look back when i have more kids, compare pregnancies, and also to see if i really am more dramatic pregnant vs. not (lol)
3. for any of my friends to read so they know how this journey is going for me 
4. for all other first time moms that might stumble upon this and be able to relate, or are looking for how other moms are handling this.